Okay, But What KIND of Porno?

I don’t want to say that some people are stupid, exactly. Closer to what I mean would probably be something like, some people would reap really large and very noticeable benefits from an increase in their “paying attention to what’s right in front of you” levels. That’s not exactly the same as stupid, and it sounds much nicer.

I was listening to the radio the other day, and a man on the radio was talking about how frustrating it is for him to not be able to figure out anything of what a movie might be about from its title. Okay, fair enough, that can at times be pretty confusing.

Now, if it had been me, if I had been the man on the radio that day complaining about this particular thing, I probably would have cited Hamlet 2 as a recent very good example of a movie’s title not only not saying anything about the actual movie that someone could figure out just from reading the title in the newspaper, but a title that could be considered downright misleading. Yes, you really only have to see about a third of one commercial for the movie itself to know that it’s got very little to do with its predecessor, but speaking strictly of the title, no, you really don’t get much from that.

So it wasn’t the complaint of the man on the radio that I had a problem with. It was the example that he chose to illustrate his complaint. The example he used of a movie whose title tells absolutely nothing about the movie itself was...

Zack & Miri Make A Porno

OK, let’s analyze this, shall we?

If I really had to venture a guess, just based on that title, as to what that movie might be about, I would have to say it’s about... two people... named Zack and Miri... who... make a porno. Am I close? Well golly would you look at that. A quick glance at Google tells me that I have it exactly right.

If there has been a movie since The Texas Chainsaw Massacre that was gifted with a less ambiguous title, I can’t recall it. No one was trying to hide anything or mislead anyone here. In this case, that movie really is about exactly what the title makes you think it should be about.

Oh, you want to know why two people named Zack and Miri might be making said porno? I really hate to break it to you, but that’s what you pay the ten dollars for. To find that out. Sorry. The answers to these burning questions are seldom easily obtained and never free.

Now, I might have been able to excuse Man On The Radio for the bad example he chose to make this particular point, had he not gone on from there to his next issue with the lack of information provided by movie titles, using the same title as an example.

He went on to say that not being able to tell what Zack & Miri Make A Porno is about from its title is only half of his problem. The other half of his problem is being able to figure out, from the title, if this is a movie that he can take his young children to see.

Well, Man On The Radio, if you’re reading this, I feel for you. I really do. And since the whole “THIS FILM IS RATED ‘R’ AND MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER 17” business might prove to be every bit as unreliable as trying to guess an entire plot just from a title, here’s a little something you may find useful in determining whether or not you should take your young children to see a particular movie:

If the title of the movie contains the word ‘porno’ in any context, don’t.