Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Frederick’s, You’re Just Lucky I Already Love You

I know there is stupid crap that drives me absolutely insane while seeming to not bother anyone else on the planet.  I get that. I really do.  But there are some things that I CAN’T believe are just me.

And one of those things is photos of models with their garter clasps flailing in the breeze.  Because they’re called garter clasps for a reason.  That reason is, they are meant to clasp things.  Specifically, stockings.  They are not meant to just hang there.  That’s why most of them are detachable, so that one is not obligated to wear stockings every single time one chooses to wear a particular piece of lingerie that happens to have included garter clasps.

This evening’s mail included the Spring catalog from Frederick’s of Hollywood.  Frederick’s has been a significant line item in my monthly budget for longer than I care to admit.  The IT guys at recognize my ISP address on sight.  I look forward to my Frederick’s catalogs the way most people look forward to weekends, or dessert; something I know I can count on to occur regularly in my life, but that still gives me a happy every time it does.

So imagine my frustration when I opened the latest catalog and, before I even turned three pages, I saw this:

Two more pages, and I saw this:

Really, Frederick’s?  You have been making and selling this stuff since 1947.  You are the world’s foremost experts on the subject of trashy underwear.  As such, you are counted on to set an example.

Aesthetically, this is no less ridiculous than models wearing jeans with the waistband buttoned and the zipper down, or corsets with half of the center eyelets unlaced, or bras with only one of three hooks hooked.  And from a marketing standpoint, do you not realize you’re just shooting yourselves in the non-elegantly-nylon-clad foot by showing the products this way?  Why should women buy stockings from you when you are sending the message that it’s perfectly all right to go without them?

Besides, it looks much hotter

and far less stupidly tacky

when you do it right, doesn’t it?

(These lovely styles, and far too many others, are available at  And, you know, if you're so inclined please feel free to send gift certificates to Harlean [at]  Just sayin')



  2. Exactly. And don't insist that your salespeople do something completely contrary to the message your advertising is sending. Don't confuse your customers. I don't want to think that much when I'm buying underwear. I just want to get in and get out.

    (And yes, I know, that's what he said)

  3. Marketing is a strange creature. I can transpose what happens in meetings I attend to what I imagine goes on in a Fredrick's meeting before a catalogue is released.

    "We have to make sure our customers know that the belt comes with clasps...but we also have to keep anyone from being confused about whether or not the outfit comes with stockings...I know! Let's have the clasps hanging from the belt with nothing attached to them!"

    Stupid and unattractive imagery be damned. The lack of cognitive ability amongst the general populace must be protected, and you know someone somewhere would order that outfit and raise hell when stockings didn't arrive with it.

  4. I understand and appreciate the point you're making, and would be inclined to agree with you absolutely if not for one thing; 80% of the time, they do it right. That's what makes the exceptions all the more jarring, annoying, and difficult to comprehend.

    1. To be perfectly honest, I still haven't gotten over the fact that they started airbrushing out the naughty bits in their see-through clothing, and they've been doing that for over a decade.